"Murphy's law" writes Stephen Pile in an entertaining new publication The Age, Nov 1979
THE WORST BANK ROBBERS
In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors.
They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building. A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When, at first, they demanded £5,000, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke.
Considerably disheartened by this, the gang leader reduced his demand first to £500, then to £50 and ultimately to 50 pence. By this stage the cashier could barely control herself for laughter.
Then one of the men jumped over the counter and fell awkwardly on the floor, clutching at his ankle.
The other two made their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors for a second time, desperately pushing the wrong way.
THE LEAST SUCCESSFUL MUGGING
In 1978 Sussex police launched a hunt for a “six-foot, dark-haired youth of about 20” who failed to mug a five-foot, 74-year-old grandmother.
The youth sprang upon Mrs Ethel West while she was walking through Chichester Cathedral cloisters. The result should have been a forgoneconclusion. Surprisingly, however, when Mrs West grabbed the mugger’s wrist, he cried, “Oh God! Oh no! Stop!”
Encouraged by these pleas, she put him in an arm lock at which the mugger cried, “Oh no, oh Christ!” and ran away.
“If I hadn’t been carrying my shopping, I would really have put him on his back,” said Mrs West who took a course in judo when younger.
“Before my husband died I used to practise throwing him at Christmas,” she explained.
THE WORST MOMENT FOR A CRIME
Choosing the right moment is vitally important in any crime. Mr David Goodall of Barnsley, for example, set off in January 1979 to do a bit of shoplifting.
He had hardly entered Barnsley’s British Home Stores when he was simultaneously seized by eight pairs of hands.
The shop was holding a convention of store detectives at the time.
THE LEAST PROFITABLE ROBBERY
Intending to steal cash from a supermarket in 1977, a Southampton thief employed a unique tactic to divert the till girl’s attention. His method was to collect a trolley full of goods, arrive at her till and put down £10 by way of payment. She would then take the money and open the till, upon which he would snatch the contents.
He arrived at the cash desk and put down the £10. She took it and opened the till; but there was only £4.37 in it. Undeterred, the Southampton thief snatched that and made his getaway, having lost £5.63 on the raid.
The till girl was considerably uncertain what to do for the best. She screamed briefly until calmed by her friend Betty.
Pile, Stephen (1979). Book of Heroic Failures: Official Handbook of the Not Terribly Good Club of Great Britain.
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