Grooming Talk is talk between strangers that is only there to pass the time.
The context seems to be the party or dinner-party, and this is one of the chapters in which the observations only really work for certain strata of English society. The usual reserve, the ‘embarrassed confusion’ of introductions that aren’t quite introductions – see the No-Name Rule – the ‘Pleased to Meet You’ Problem…. One must appear ‘self-conscious, ill at ease, stiff’: she seems to be describing a Hugh Grant character on a bad day.
Then some of the Gossip section could come straight out of a stand-up routine. (Fox references observational stand-up quite early on).
The names of the rules are somehow tongue-in-cheek:
- Privacy Rules,
- the Guessing-Game Rule,
- the Distance Rule – how far you are from the person spoken of, in terms of relationship or intimacy, determining how frank you can be in describing their misdemeanours –
- and the Reciprocal Disclosure Strategy.
It looks like Kate Fox is lowering her voice to a whisper.... (more privacy), doesn’t she go on?Other Grooming Talk is Bonding Talk – female compliment and counter-compliments, male Mine’s Better Than Yours Rules – and ‘finally… the Long Goodbye Rules’, which highlight ‘the importance of embarrassment and ineptitude’.
In the closing summary Fox reiterates, quite seriously, the importance of privacy. Most of what has gone before is to do with speaking while
- a) keeping your own cards close to your chest and
- b) not prying into the other person’s life without extreme caution.
Gossip is about breaking this rule, but only in ritualised, rule-bound ways.
FOR A SLIDE SHOW: HERE
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