SOON THE HAZE OF CIGARETTE SMOKE WILL BE BUT A MEMORY We're just two weeks away from the next major crisis that will divide Quebecers into two opposing groups - though this time the No side is guaranteed to win. That's the No Smoking side, the province-wide ban on puffing in public places that takes effect May 31. In fact, Quebec is just catching up to most of North America, places like B.C. where the only thing people still smoke is salmon. In Vancouver, you're not allowed to smoke cigarettes anywhere except inside the offices of the Quebec trade delegation. In Toronto last week, I saw so many forlorn smokers hanging around outside downtown bars, they rivalled the homeless. Meanwhile, here in Montreal you can still get away with smoking almost anywhere, from bars, restaurants and office corridors to schoolyards and, probably, hospital emergency wards, though it's considered gauche for doctors to smoke during surgery. We do have non-smoking sections in all bars and restaurants but under Quebec law, smokers always get the best seats. Now, everything is about to change overnight with the new anti- smoking law, a breath of fresh air that's been a long time coming to the stinky society. It's a sign of just how much attitudes here have changed over the years. Quebec has been the official smoking section of Canada ever since the 1950s, when more than half of Quebecers were smokers. For decades, the church didn't even discourage smoking, which it saw as a personal liberty - the state had no business in the smoking rooms of the nation. In the 1960s, the new church of nationalism took over, but it pushed cigarettes too. Smoking and separatism went together like hot dogs and baseball, as anyone who ever went to a smoke-filled PQ gathering knows. Party founder René Lévesque waved a cigarette about as if it were a fleur-de-lys, and almost every member of his cabinet smoked cigarettes, or at least a joint. Meanwhile, federalist leaders rarely inhaled anything. Pierre Trudeau hated smoking, as did all his ministers, from Jean Chrétien and Marc Lalonde to Paul Martin. The only Quebec federalist who ever puffed in public was Brian Mulroney, and that's probably why he was soft on sovereignty. So, maybe it's no coincidence that support for separatism is plummeting fast today, just as smoking in public is finally being banned. Quebecers seem less eager to take risks - smoking and sovereignty both look dangerous at a time when many here are embracing safer activities, like rock climbing and parachute jumping. Our addiction to cigarettes is waning in other ways. Just three years ago, the Montreal Jazz Festival resembled a festival of cigarettes because there were so many du Maurier sponsor signs - and few thought the event could survive without them. But Labatt beer has effortlessly replaced tobacco as the festival's official vice, just as the Players' Tennis Tournament has now become the Roger's Cup. The only major local event where fumes still dominate is the Grand Prix - but it's mainly the cars that smoke. Yet, for all our changes in attitude, almost a quarter of Quebecers still light up - and some won't go down without a fight. Local bar owners are already challenging the new law in court and claiming it will make Quebec bars even emptier than its churches. Die-hard smokers are threatening to boycott bars and restaurants, so they can stay home to smoke and cough in peace. What other resistance will we see as smoking take its last gasp? Will a million angry smokers march in the streets demanding that government butt out? Will Quebec's thriving native cigarette smugglers expand their operations and open smoke-easies on their land? Will the province's big labour unions come out in favour of smoking, just because their arch-enemy, Jean Charest, is against it? One item of the law looks sure to be a flash point. Outdoor café terrasses will still be legal for smokers, who will pour into this last refuge like a vast defeated army, nauseating anyone who doesn't smoke. The battle for our summer terraces will divide Quebecers bitterly, as smokers' fumes make non-smokers fume. The other big unknown is who will enforce the new law, apart from a handful of health inspectors. Montreal vigilantly applies its no-parking regulations, using a special draconian parking squad known as the Green Onions, who always get their car. We may need the same for cigarettes a Second-hand Smoke Squad that gives out tickets for puffing in a breathing-only zone. Meanwhile, Quebecers hoping to kick the habit do have an easy, new oral addiction to replace smoking that's legal in most bars and restaurants. This new fix is shaped just like a cigarette pack and sits comfortably in your breast pocket, or on your restaurant table. You can reach for it anytime you're nervous and need something to do with your hands. You can even stick it to your mouth - only instead of polluting the room with smoke, you'll pollute it with words. As Quebecers finally butt out their cigarettes, expect many to light up their cellphones. Josh_freed@hotmail.com | 
