SNL -complaints at Tech Talk

 SNL offered its satirical take on various complaints about Apple's new iPhone 5.

HERE YOU CAN read CNNnews about a skit that skewered the tech press and featured a confrontation with SNL's version of Chinese factory workers who make the iPhone.

Guest SNL host Christina Applegate as "Tech Talk" host Caitlin Owens started the skit interviewing reporters from CNET (SNL's Bill Hader playing "Josh Savage" in a nod to our own intrepid Apple reporter, Josh Lowensohn), Wired, and Gizmodo about a "plethora of glitches and design flaws."

The three "reporters" in serious geek mode expressed their concerns about the flawed Apple maps, purple screen haze, and more absurdly that the iPhone 5 is too thin and light. They were then joined by three Chinese factory workers (no mention of Foxconn), speaking in bad, fake Chinese accents.

The "workers" shared their perspective on the iPhone 5 issues with the complainers. For example:

"You want Starbucks and it takes you to Dunkin Donut. That must be so hard for you." 

"I guess we are lucky. We don't need maps. We sleep where we work."

The skit also included some new forms of communication -- "traditional sarcastic dance" and "sad Chinese violin." 

 Asked if they would like to complain about a product made in America, one of Chinese workers (SNL's Fred Armisen) said: "What does America make? Does diabetes count as a product? If not, we have to get back to you."

Caitlin Owens: Hello. Welcome to "Tech Talk". I'm your host -- Caitlin Owens. And today's topic: The iPhone 5 and its plethora of glitches and design flaws. Joining me today are Josh Savage, of C-Net... 

Josh Savage: [ smugly ] Thanks for having me! 

Caitlin Owens: Adrienne Terzoli, from Wired Magazine... 

Adrienne Terzoli: [ haughtily ] Hi! 

Caitlin Owens: And Dennis Metcalf, from Gizmodo. 

Dennis Metcalf: [ frog-voiced ] It's great to be here. 

Caitlin Owens: Great! Josh, we'll start with you. What are your complaints about the iPhone 5? 

Josh Savage: Well, Caitlin, everyone knows that Apple Maps has been a total disaster... and since there's no Google Maps app yet, I've been forced to use Google Maps in mybrowser... which is significantly slower. 

Caitlin Owens: Ugh! What a NIGHTMARE! Adrienne? 

Adrienne Terzoli: I'm just upset about the camera. Every time I point it straight at the sun, there's a very slight, purplish hue in all of my photos! What is that?! 

Caitlin Owens: Exactly! It's... unacceptable! Dennis? 

Dennis Metcalf: Well, the bottom line is... it's just too light. I mean, I know we asked for a phone that was lighter and thinner, but... this is ridiculous! I mean, I feel like I'm holding three pieces of paper that are stapled together -- not a Smartphone! 

Caitlin Owens: Wow... that must be so hard to deal with. 

Dennis Metcalf: It's a real struggle. I mean, whoever built these iPhones, I don't know what they were thinking! 

Caitlin Owens: Let's ask them. Joining us now are three peasant laborers from the factory in China where these iPhones were manufactured. 

Dennis Metcalf: [ his eyes grow wide ] Say what? 

Caitlin Owens: Please welcome Mashu Quin, Li Hai, and Shu Chow. [ the frowning peasants are revealed ] Thanks for joining us. 

Shu Chow: Hi. 

Mashu Quin: good to see you. 

Li Hai: This should be fun. 

Dennis Metcalf: Can I leave? 

Caitlin Owens: No, you may not! 

Josh Savage: Can we withdraw all our earlier complaints? 

Caitlin Owens: Absolutely not, this is a trap! So, Mr. Chow -- Josh here was just complaining about... Apple Maps. 

Josh Savage: [ worried ] Uh -- uh -- uh, it wasn't really a complaint... 

Shu Chow: Ohhhhh. Talk about Apple Map. It won't work, right? It take you to wrong place? You want Starbuck, it take you to Dunkin Donut? That must be... so hard for you! 

Li Hai: Oh, yeah. You want Macy, it take you to J.C. Penney? Ohhhh! How you deal with that? 

Mashu Quin: Oh! I guess we just lucky, you know, we don't need map. You know, because we sleep where we work? Yeah, but thank you for pointing out problem. 

Josh Savage: I-I-I-I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. 

Caitlin Owens: And you guys were complaining a lot about the apps, right? That they were loading too slow? 

Josh Savage: Oh, no... 

Dennis Metcalf: No, no, no... 

Adrienne Terzoli: They're wonderful! 

Shu Chow: Uh-oh! Your apps run too slow? You can't play Angry Bird? Yeah, I have an angry bird, too -- a chicken in a factory tried to steal my LUNCH! 

Li Hai: Ohhh, Twitter run too slow? You can't read Kardashian tweet about handbag? Mybrother have handbag, too -- he lose hand, keep it in BAG until he can afford to re-attach!

Adrienne Terzoli: We didn't mean to offend you. There were just some bugs with the new phone. 

Shu Chow: Oh! You upset with bug? They're too many bug in phone, yeah? I sleep in communal bunk bed with HUNDRED stranger! Lice are BEST bug I get! Lice are BEST! 

Caitlin Owens: Here's a quote from your web site, Josh! 

Josh Savage: Oh, please don't read that! please don't read that! 

Caitlin Owens: It says: "I can't believe I waited six hours in lnie for this piece of crap." 

Shu Chow: Oh! Oh, you wait in line for six hours! That sounds tough! One time, she wait in line twenty-one days for a baby forumla! 

Mashu Quin: You know, food to feed baby? 

Shu Chow: So very similar, yes! 

Dennis Metcalf: Look, we're sorry, okay? It's just, the iPhone 4 seemed to work better? 

Shu Chow: Hey, you know what? We are being unfair. There are legitimate problem with new iPhone. So, go ahead -- make complaint. 

Dennis Metcalf: You sure? 

Shu Chow: Sure! Go ahead! We all friends! 

Dennis Metcalf: Okay, um... well... the casing scratches very easily... 

[ suddenly, Li Hai is playing a sad lament on a skinny violin ] 

Shu Chow: Do you mind? Li Hai going to play sad Chinese violin from New York subway while you complain... and Mashu Quin going to perform traditional sarcastic dance. [ Mashu Quin stands to perform her dance ] Go ahead! 

Dennis Metcalf: [ ashamed ] Uh -- You know what? Uh -- I think I'd rather just stay quiet. 

Shu Chow: That's a good idea, Einstein! Okay, we're done shaming him now. 

Caitlin Owens: And, finally -- would you guys like to complain about an Americanproduct? 

Mashu Quin: Hmm... 

Li Hai: Oh, that's good question... 

Shu Chow: Let's see... what does America make? Let's see... does diabetes count as aproduct? If not, we have to get back to you. 

Caitlin Owens: Alright, let's take a break! When we return, more humiliation on... "Tech Talk"! 

bits for pronunciation: BLACKBERRY is not working

Selected bits for pronunciation: 
BLACKBERRY  is not working
   See the sketch and full transcript here

PRON TASK2. ADAPT these 17 bits in the script and repeat them WITH the sound ADDING new complements.

A1– I bought something from you last week, and I'm very disappointed.

B3– Oh, yeah, I can see that. I tell you what: let's try it on orange.

A5 Well, is there anything I can do to get my blackberry working?

B6– Well, you could try using a mouse to drag the blackberry to the trash.  Then after you've done that, you might wanna launch the blackberry from the desktop.

A7– Well, I've already tried that a few times. I mean, all it did was mess up windows.

B9– Anything else I can help you with?

A10– Yes, yes. I've also got a problem, to be honest, with my apple.

B12– Last week? They've brought out two new apples since then!

A14 – Well, I don't know much about these things, but my wife's seen a few dongles in her time... and she says a little bit on the small side.

B14– Well, I'm afraid there's not a lot I can do

Anything else I can help you with?

A16– Now, he's already got an apple and a blackberry. I mean, have you got anything else that he might just like?

B16– Well, we're doing a special offer on these. I mean, I can't make head or tail of them, but the kids seem to like them.

A1– I bought something from you last week, and I'm very disappointed.B3– Oh, yeah, I can see that. I tell you what: let's try it     (on/with) ……………… .
A5 Well, is there anything I can do to get my ……………… working?B6– Well, you could try using a ……………… to (DO sth.)  Then after you've done that, you might want to ………………
A7– Well, I've already tried that a few times. I mean, all it did was ………………………. (sth problematic)

B9– Anything else I can help you with?A10– Yes, yes. I've also got a problem, to be honest, with my ……………….B12– Last week? They've brought out two new ………………  since then!
A14 – Well, I don't know much about these things, but my wife's seen a few ………………... and she says a little bit on the small side.B14– Well, I'm afraid there's not a lot I can do.

        Anything else I can help you with?A16– Now, he's already got ……………… and ………………. I mean, have you got anything else that he might just like?B16– Well, we're doing a special offer on these. I mean, I can't make head or tail of them, but the kids seem to like them.

ESL -videos with subtitles

To speak the truth, extensive listening is far better than testing listening BUT listening and understanding is the best. As careless inkjet learners we need language information. Mind you, that is as good as it can get. 
For news with script click here
Those are the links we can click for our videos with subtitles:


Firstly,  TED talks. Here the interest must be content. Follow the talks you want to learn about. Choose the   SPEAKERS / THEMES you want to follow.
Features: 8000 talks with subtitles on screen and the bestest interactive script on the web (on the right side)


Secondly, Universalsubtitles, a project of Participatory Culture Foundation. 
A lovely opportunity to become a user of English in an open source project!!!!


Then, a couple of individual work on enjoyable video clips and sketches:
Mingo Mendez (Catalonia). LiveScripts - Guiones.  Life is the movie where we are the leading character while we write the script of the movie we would like to live or shoot.


and lst but not least,  Mikesy András (Hungary) a creative teacher from CentreEurope who presents the History of the English!!! (you can miss it)

1. The next big thing.... SixthSense coming soon



TWO. Click on title or on link to watch it there.
Hans Rosling's 200 Countries, 200 Years, 4 Minutes - The Joy...
4 minute  22 languages,  where you can download or edit any subtitle available, Easy as ABC.
http://www.universalsubtitles.org/ca/videos/BxDoaAHJnwTI/



here the famous Steve Job's conference at Standford University -2005


3. Rowan Atkinson as Devil: Welcome to hell  (at LiveScripts -M Mendez)

    Hello. It's nice to see you all here.
Now, as the most perceptive of you probably realized by now, this is Hell and I'm the Devil.
  Good Evening!
But you can call me Toby if you like,
we try to keep things informal in here as well as infernal.
That's a little joke of mine; i tell it every time.
    Now you are all here for... Eternity, which I hardly need tell you it's a heck of a long time.
So you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end.
But for now I'm gonna have to split you up into groups.
    Will you stop screaming? Thank you.  (see all the piece at the link above)

4. Snappy Hamlet monologue: (Blackadder - Comedy)
 (script below from 2:10 to 3:25)
All the piece transcript at Hamlet Sketch-small rewrite  

(2:10) Blackadder: Bill, Bill, Bill... Why do we have to fight? It's long, long, long. We could make it so snappy...
Shakespeare: "Snappy"?

B:   Yeah, you know: give it some pizzazz. How's it begin, that speech?

Sh: [sits] "To be."

B:  Come on, come on, Bill.

Sh: "To be a victim of all life's earthly woes, or not to be a coward and take Death by his proffered hand."

B:  There, now; I'm sure we can get that down!

Sh: No! Absolutely not! It's perfect.

B:  [preparing to write] How about "To be a victim, or not to be coward"?

Sh: [shrugs] It doesn't make sense, does it! To be a victim of what? to be coward about what?

B:  OK, OK. Take out `victim'; take out `coward'. Just start "To be, or not to be."

Sh: You can't say that! It's gibberish!

B: But it's short, William, it's short! Listen, it flows: "To be, or not to be; that is the question." D'de, d'de de de, d'de d'de de de! OK?

Sh: You're damn right it's the question -- they won't have any bloody idea what he's talking about! (3:25)